*The following story depicts
fictional characters whose names have been changed to protect their privacy as
the wife blogs about it.”
One
night not to long ago, on the coldest day of the winter Mrs. Sprat decided to
take her youngest larva to a birthday party… almost forgetting her coat she
bundled up the offspring and went on her merry way … with no socks… they didn’t
go with her outfit of the uniform of ratty sweater and pilled shirt and skirt…
socks would just detract from the overall look..
So
as Mrs. Sprat is driving down the road a odd sound starts to develop..
Lets
give a little back ground here… Mrs. Sprat is a little neurotic about cars and
them breaking down.. or smashing into deer, houses, guard rails, and embankments..
Not that she ever did any of those…
Yeah
ok… so when she hears a odd sound she tends to tie herself up in knots inside
and start worrying…
She
loves to worry.. it helps the procrastination.
So
as the sound becomes louder her car starts to overheat… Mrs. Sprat knew that
something was wrong… Mr. Sprat comes along in the Sprat’s other jalopy armed
with antifreeze… I wont go into detail on what was wrong with jalopy #1 but one
of the problems was it wouldn’t start…. So here is the Sprats waiting in the
cold for a jump start..
They
only had to wait an hour…by then it started to snow pretty heavy …. Mr. Sprat
in jalopy #1 Mrs. Sprat in jalopy #2…. They started back home… jalopy #1 dies
again almost to the top of a small hill… Mr. Sprat gets a brilliant idea…
Now…
lets give a little background on Mr. Sprat… he fancies himself a MacGyver…
there isn’t any problem he is faced with that he can’t charm, barter, or clothes
hanger his way out… Mrs. Sprat is usually too busy spazzing out to
think of anything but “ OH NO!!! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOOOOO”
So
Mr. Sprat then asks his spazzed out wife to push jalopy #1 with jalopy #2…( are you following? it is hard I know... )
If
you have ever driven bumper cars you can understand the bounce affect… now
picture playing bumper cars with real ones.. that wasn’t the plan but that was
what Mrs. Sprat was causing as she was working herself up to a full blown hysterical
fit… so Mr. Sprat decided ( as cars are lining up behind them) to let Mrs. Sprat
steer jalopy #1…. Only he didn’t tell her that there was no power steering,
brakes, or headlights to see where she was going…
So
through a frosted over windshield Mrs. Sprat tries to peer through… thinking
that once she turns on the headlights she can see where the middle of the road
is… wait… there is none…..husband is starting to get some really good speed going
with both cars as she starts to panic more.. she tries to steer she realizes in
her state of mind she can’t cry and point the car in the right direction at the
same time… the ditch is getting closer...she goes to roll down the window and
try and flag her husband as he is revving that jalopy #2 up to full speed… no
power windows either… brakes… practically standing on them she has flash backs
of sliding down hills into houses… so what does she do but have to open up the
door scream at the top of her lungs at mcgruber back there to stop…
As
Mrs. Sprat has a full blown hysterical meltdown in the middle of the road cars slowly make it past
the couple… Mr. Sprat tries to console his basket case…
Fast
forward 30 minutes… the Sprats both got home… with both cars…
Mrs.
Sprat is rethinking the whole no sock idea..
and Mr. Sprat is wondering how he could have used a pvc pipe fitting
with some tarp and duct tape to make it go even faster…
The
local towns people think they are complete morons…
Posts
2 comments:
I wanna hear more about that house that Mrs. Sprat drove into, and I don't mean a carport.
haha you have such a way with words Sarah! Love it!
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